January is a pretty tough month for most of us for one reason or another, and my heart goes out to friends who are currently having the toughest of times. For me, this year so far has been a fog of illness. Well, actually, since October last year I've been suffering with pain. Mind numbing, exhausting, debilitating pain. I've been under the care of a consultant gynaecologist investigating possible endometriosis, but as yet a diagnosis is proving elusive. I have been fobbed off, patronised, ignored and made to feel like I'm wasting doctors' time. I am currently recovering from diagnostic keyhole surgery that caused so much bruising I still can't wear my normal clothes 11 days later. I can't work and am struggling not to worry all the time.
But sewing is keeping me sane. Sewing, and a wonderful family looking out for me. Sewing is keeping me calm and giving me something to focus on. It is keeping me occupied. It gives me something to absorb myself in and helps me switch off the mental chatter. It gives me something productive to do, and a small sense of achievement with each project completed. I can share my makes with people out there in the sewing community who care as much about sewing as I do. It has been a lifesaver.
I haven't felt up to sewing every day. Some days all I can do is plan projects, but even that is wonderful haberdashery escapism. And I'm thinking more about design. The joy of designing patterns and making them come to life is something I get more excited by every day. Even the geeky maths bits.
So, sewing is most definitely my happy place. It's a place I want to spend as much time in as I can just now. I'm hopeful there's a light at the end of the tunnel, my health will improve and I'll be back to myself again before too long. But in the meantime I will just keep sewing, and breathing, and sewing...